My feelings III

Loving someone and being loved in return is probably the greatest blessing. When I think of Oskar's grandmother I'm confused. She once says she spent all her life learning how to feel less. I cannot remember whether it's her or Oskar's grandfather, but someone says that in order to protect oneself against pain and suffering, one inevitably protects oneself from happiness. She seems to be quite in that line. 

First, she begs her future husband to marry her, even though she knows he's still in love of her dead sister. Then they start creating those nothing places, where they can cease to exist. How can she say their marriage was not an unhappy one considering the many rules they had? How can she think so if each time they made love it felt like crying? Were they ever in love?

Her husband once says that love does not really matter, what matters is knowing that love is there, that you are loved. Did she ever consider it? Did she even know what he thought, given the fact that they hardly talked?